B'Mitzvah Guide
A Note about Language: B’Mitzvah means “a child of the commandments.” At Sukkat Shalom we celebrate that everyone is created b’tzelem Elohim, in the image of God, and not all of our students use binary language. Students are free to use the language that best represents who they are, including the binary bar and bat mitzvah (son and daughter). To be inclusive when referring to everyone in general, we have adopted the Reform Movement recommended non-gendered word B’Mitzvah.
This B’Mitzvah Guide is a great place to begin to answer questions you may have— however, you should always feel free to be in touch directly with Rabbi Immerman or Kenny Lyonswright with anything you would like to speak about.
The B'Mitzvah Guide is broken out into sections.
Preparation for Becoming a B’Mitzvah
םָלוֹעָה םיִרָבְד הָשׁלְשׁ לַע ,רֵמוֹא הָיָה אוּה .הָלוֹדְגַּה תֶסֶנְכ יֵרָיְשִּׁמ הָיָה קיִדַּצַּה ןוֹעְמִשׁ הָדוֹבֲעָה לַעְו הָרוֹתַּה לַע ,דֵמוֹע :םיִדָסֲח תוּליִמְגּ לַעְו
Shimon the Righteous…would say,
"On three things the world stands: on Torah, on worship and on acts of loving kindness."
Avodah ~ Worship: B’mitzvah students are taught to chant their Torah portions and lead their community in prayer during a Shabbat morning service. We are proud to meet students where they are as individuals and have no minimum requirements for this process. Our Hebrew classes teach students how to read Hebrew with a focus on the prayers, reinforced during t’filah on Sunday mornings, at Hebrew School, and Shabbat services. About six months prior to the ceremony, students will begin meeting with Kenny and their weekly Torah tutor to receive their Torah portion and begin individual tutoring. We strongly encourage students to attend services throughout the year.
G’milut Chasadim ~ Acts of Loving Kindness: The word mitzvah literally means commandment. At Sukkat Shalom, we translate ‘mitzvah’ as ‘adult Jewish responsibility.’ A B’mitzvah is someone who, now that they have reached adulthood, is ready to take on the responsibilities and privileges of Jewish adulthood including tikkun olam, repairing the world. It is for this reason that each child is expected to select a mitzvah project which should be completed before the day of the B’mitzvah. There are no requirements of any specific kind for your student’s mitzvah project—in particular, the project does not need to relate in any way to the theme of your student’s Torah portion. We do ask that the project is completed or in process by the time of your child’s B’Mitzvah service. The nature of this project will be discussed and formulated at the beginning of the student’s 7th grade year.
Torah ~ Learning: During the ceremony, students will deliver a d’var Torah, words of Torah. This is the opportunity for students to teach their congregation what they believe is an essential value that they learned or was reinforced by their Torah portion. They will work on their d’var Torah with their officiating rabbi over the course of 4-5 meetings. Many students choose to deliver their thoughts on their Torah portion in the form of a speech, generally formatted as a five paragraph essay. In many other cases, Sukkat Shalom students have opted for other formats for their divrei Torah—musical performances, prepared interviews, mixed media presentations, and other creative ideas. If your student feels strongly about a format for their d’var Torah that is different than a speech, we encourage them to let us know, so that we can partner with them in planning their presentation.
Requirements to Become a B'Mitzvah: Preparing to become a b’mitzvah involves not only learning the specific tasks, such as Hebrew study and learning a Torah portion, but also involvement in the community. As such, b’mitzvah students must successfully attend and complete at least three years of religious education, beginning in grade five and continuing through grade seven. We meet during the week for Hebrew, and twice a month on Sunday morning for Judaic studies at Family School. B’mitzvah students are required to attend both Family School and Hebrew School.
The staff at Sukkat Shalom assess the progress of each student at various levels of Hebrew language instruction. As each student progresses, we always work to ensure that a student feels appropriately challenged but not overwhelmed. This might look different for each student so that they feel proud of what they have accomplished. Please arrange a meeting with the clergy or Missy as early as possible to discuss specific expectations for your student’s learning style, or special needs. We will work with you to ensure this experience fits what is best for your student.
Preparation for the B’Mitzvah Ceremony
It is our expectation that you attend all of the programming outlined below. Please contact Kenny Lyonswright if you anticipate any of this programming being challenging for your student.
In addition to attending Family School and Hebrew School, b’mitzvah students and their families are expected to attend six programs over the course of three years leading up to their ceremony. These programs deepen the connection between families and others in their b’mitzvah year and engage families in learning and conversations to better prepare everyone for b’mitzvah.
The first program is a 4th grade b’mitzvah meeting in the spring of Fourth Grade for families to learn about how to request dates and hear what to expect from the entire b’mitzvah process. Over the next two years, programs will include family Shabbat dinners, explorations of b’mitzvah goals, introductions to text study, and more. This culminates with a 7th grade program where students wrestle with what it means to them to be a Jewish adult and discover how they might remain engaged with Sukkat Shalom after they have become b’mitzvah. At the beginning of each school year, you will receive dates for each program that year. Fall of
Seventh Grade: Continue attending grade level Shabbat dinners to form communal bonds, dive deeper into learning. You will receive dates for these Friday programs in advance of the school year beginning.
Six Months Prior: Around six months prior to the ceremony, you will meet with Kenny to formally begin the b’mitzvah tutoring process. At this meeting you’ll receive all the materials your student will need for their learning, and Kenny will carefully explain the tutoring process and methods for successful practicing at home. You will select a weekly day and time for your student to meet with their tutor. We expect that students’ parents/guardians will help reinforce the weekly learning by ensuring their student practices outside of their lesson time. At this time, you will also be made aware of the clergy who will officiate your service.
Immediately following this initial meeting, you will receive an email that will walk you through the process for signing up for a variety of further meetings. These meetings include check-ins with Kenny, meetings with your officiating Rabbi, and scheduling your final run through in our sanctuary.
3 Months Prior: Two to three months prior to the B’mitzvah, the officiating Rabbi will begin meeting with your student to help them prepare their D’var Torah. The Rabbi then meets with the student at least four more times to help them prepare a D’var Torah.
1 Month Prior: Kenny will take over weekly meetings with your student. No new material is learned at this point--we leave an entire month for review. These meetings with Kenny take place in the sanctuary so that your student can begin to practice chanting from the actual Torah.
Simultaneously, Kenny will reach out to parents/guardians to begin discussing the service proceedings and walk you through meaningful ways to honor friends and family during the service. Should you want to discuss these details more than a month out from your service date, you may email Kenny directly at any time.
One Week Prior—Final run through: The week prior to your student’s service, a final run through is held. These rehearsals are held with the officiating Rabbi or Kenny, or both. This run through is typically held on the Thursday evening or Friday afternoon prior to the b’mitzvah service. It is important that everyone in your nuclear family attends.
What to Expect on the Shabbat of Your Ceremony
Friday Evening Shabbat Service: At the Friday night service before the ceremony, we will invite the student and the family for the honors of lighting the candles and to lead Kiddush (the blessing over the wine). We invite the entire immediate family to the bima to light the candles at the beginning of the service, and then the student at the end of the service to lead us in Kiddush. Our Friday night services begin at 6pm. It is important that you arrive on time, as the candle blessing happens near the very beginning of the service. Services usually last for one hour; please plan to stay for the entire service.
Shabbat Morning B’Mitzvah Service: The b’mitzvah ceremony is held on Saturday mornings at 10:30 AM in the Sanctuary. You are welcome to take pictures prior to the service. We ask that you take all pictures between 9-10am. Kenny will be on site to assist with any pictures of the Torah that you may want to take.
At 10:15am the entire immediate family will gather in the library with the Rabbi and Kenny to sign the B’Mitzvah certificate and to receive a blessing. After this we will all go into the Sanctuary.
We always have at least one greeter during b’mitzvah services. You are welcome to invite other family members and friends to help perform these duties, as well.
Parent Blessing: After the student finishes their d’var Torah, the parents will join the student for a blessing in front of the Torah. The parents will then have an opportunity to offer a personal blessing to their child. This is not a speech, but a chance to tell your child and community what you hope for your child in the future based upon who they are today. The Rabbi or Kenny are both happy to guide you through this process. Parent blessings should be brief!
Some parents choose to end their remarks with the following: ָ
Baruch atah, Adonai, shenatan lanu et hazchut lateit l’cha/lach Torah.
Blessed is Adonai our God, who gives us the honor and privilege of entrusting you with Torah
To conclude the service, the student will lead the Kiddush blessing over the wine and the Motzi blessing over the bread. The synagogue provides the challah and grape juice for these blessings.
Honoring Friends and Family During the Service: Families may choose to offer small, meaningful roles to family and close friends during their student’s service. These honors are not required, but we are always glad to have your community of family and friends assist in making your service extra special. Around one month prior to the service, Kenny will walk carefully walk your family through the service details and assist you in finding roles for the friends and family you’d like to include. Rather than attempting to fill each role we’ve listed below, we recommend instead that you generate a list of people you know you’d like to honor in some way. Kenny can then assist you in assigning those people to appropriate roles. Opportunities for Honors:
1. Presentation of the Tallit (Prayer Shawl)—can be done by parents, close friends, grandparents, or anyone else meaningful to you.
2. Helping to prepare and/or dress the Torah—can be done by anyone meaningful to your family. Great for younger siblings, cousins, or friends of your student.
3. Opening/closing the doors to the ark—can be done by anyone meaningful to your family. Often an elegant moment to offer groups of people.
For the complete honors form, click here.
Administrative Items
Date Assignments: The date of the ceremony is selected in the summer after the student’s 4th grade year through a process which gives families a chance to request several preferred dates. The date should occur after the student’s 13th birthday. Date requests that occur prior to your student turning 13 will be considered on a case-by-case basis. We then assign dates in accordance with the Jewish and Sukkat Shalom calendars.
*Please note that if you wish to celebrate in the fall, it is important for your student to have a certain amount of summer availability. We encourage camp participation and understand that many families take vacation during the summer months. If you plan on being out of town for a significant amount of time, we encourage you to choose a date later in the fall/winter. If you anticipate your student’s availability being an issue, please be in touch with Kenny as soon as possible so that we can work on a creative solution together.
B’Mitzvah Fee: There is an administrative fee of $1,800 to cover the costs associated with becoming a B’Mitzvah. This covers all aspects of the service and preparation, including tutoring, supplies, meals for B’Mitzvah programs, and security. Should you need to speak further about this fee, please contact Scott Nelson.
Oneg Sponsorship: We invite families to sponsor the oneg on the Friday night before your child’s ceremony. Please speak to Scott Nelson for more information.
Photography: In order to preserve the dignity and sanctity of the worship service, we ask that all photographers remain in the back of the sanctuary during the ceremony. No flash photography is allowed during the service. Please remind your photographer and your guests of these policies. The rabbi will ask that everyone refrain from pictures during the service. If you have any questions, please contact Kenny.
Livestream/Video: We broadcast all of our b’mitzvah services on Zoom. The temple does not send the Zoom link to anyone except the immediate family of the b’mitzvah student. You may choose to send the link to anyone you’d like. However, it is important that you do not post the invitation on social media. The temple also records the service via Zoom, as well as onto a separate hard drive. We will provide you with a copy of the service at your request; please contact the office after your ceremony.
Security: Sukkat Shalom employs an armed security guard for all of our Shabbat morning services. The guard is stationed at our front door on Saturday mornings starting at 8:30am until 12:30pm
Invitation Guideline/Suggestions
Community: One of the goals of the B’Mitzvah program is to build community during this process. We hope that you will invite the other members of your child’s class and we can provide you with names and addresses if you choose to do so.
Many classes in the past have decided that in lieu of giving gifts to the other students, each family contributes to a donation made to a non-profit on behalf of the entire B’Mitzvah class. We will talk about this more at the end of sixth grade.
Invitation Guidelines: Many parents have requested guidelines for the invitation. Please review the following:
• A child becomes a B’Mitzvah, which means one who is responsible for the commandments. An invitation should read “on the occasion of becoming a B’Mitzvah,” not “on the occasion of their B’Mitzvah”
• The service begins promptly at 10:30am
• We are happy to provide the Hebrew date for you to include, or you can find it at hebcal.com
Suggested Language: Following is a listing with various alternatives for the wording of B’Mitzvah invitations:
• Our daughter Rachel will be called to the Torah on the occasion of becoming Bat Mitzvah at Congregation Sukkat Shalom
• It is with great pleasure that we invite you to join us when our son Robert is called to the Torah as a Bar Mitzvah
• We invite you to join us when our daughter Rachel Ann becomes a B’Mitzvah
My family and I invite you to share a special day in our lives when I am called to the Torah as a Bat Mitzvah
My family and I invite you to join us when I am called to the Torah as a B’Mitzvah
• The family of _______ invites you to a special occasion as he becomes a Bar Mitzvah
Renting Space at Sukkat Shalom
We hope that you will continue your celebration here at Sukkat Shalom following the service. The following page outlines the spaces available for rent, the approximate capacity of the different spaces as well as the current fees.
Please note: We do not allow food to be served in our building if it contains pork or shellfish products. We are also a nut-free facility, so please do not plan to serve anything containing peanuts or tree nuts (this includes oils and flours like peanut oil or almond flour/extract).
Social Hall: $3,600 (approximate capacity 160 persons) The rental fee includes tables, chairs, basic congregational linens, garbage/recycling/composting, ice water, hot water for tea, regular and decaf coffee, compostable hot and cold cups, stirrers, sweeteners, tea bags, and creamers. Also included is room setup and breakdown by a member of the building staff. This fee also includes security and chaperones, which are necessary to include for insurance purposes.
Foyer: $1,000 (approximate capacity 75 persons) The rental fee includes building staff for setup and breakdown of a single table for food and/or beverages.
Catering: Please find our list of caterers by clicking here. Sukkat Shalom is open to any caterer as long as they provide us with a certificate of insurance naming us as additionally insured. We carry current certificates for all the caterers on this list. Our preferred vendor is Grateful Gourmet To Go, and they are wonderful to work with, and can accommodate a wide variety of budgets, menu options, and dietary needs.
It's important to note that we do not provide service staff. Additional service staff can be hired at $250 per server, or you can organize servers through the caterer of your choice. Please note that Sukkat Shalom does not provide plates, cutlery, or napkins. You have the option of providing compostable disposables or renting china and silver from a local event rental company.
For further information about renting Sukkat Shalom facilities, please contact Scott Nelson the Executive Director of Sukkat Shalom.
congregation sukkat shalom
1001 central avenue wilmette, IL 60091
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